Armando Hoyos

A philosophical mastermind and a prodigious inventor, Mr. Hoyos started showing signs of his brilliant mind at an early age. Always an intellectual overachiever, he learned how to read at the age of two and by age three he had already had his middle age crisis. His career as an inventor started when at age four he created a line of building blocks for schizoid kids called Alter-Lego.

In his first book, My Unauthorized Autobiography, he recaps his most famous philosophical conundrums such as “If all bonds are supposed to mature… why does James Bond always look the same age?” This book is also a compendium of his most famous dictums, and it can also be read in digital format, heard in audio book format, or ingested orally through his brand line of smart popsicles called Suck My Dictum TM. His second book, the Dictionary of the Royal Epidemic of the Spanish Language, consists of a glossary of different colloquial terms and definitions with the intention of making the easier to assimulate.

Assimulate, to: n. The process of placing implants in one’s posterior side in order to sham the presence of actual buttocks. Assimulate.

His catch phrase:
Shut up! Don’t interrupt me!

Julio Esteban

This frail and sensitive sentimental advisor delights us reading the letters he gets from troubled viewers who seeks his advice.

“The zookeeper sent me this letter saying: I fell in love with this CHICK, whose beauty is impossible to BEAR. She was very enDEERing and she was never in a FOWL mood. But now I’m getting TIGER of her, she’s a big fat LION. She goes out to bars and CUBS, which makes me feel like an ASS HORSE. Her behavior is a kick in the BULLS”

He always sends a message of optimism to make our existence a little bit, er, gayer.

“Remember: you got something in you that no one and nothing can take away from you… but don’t worry, science makes big progress every day.”

Catch phrase:
I send you all… my leftovers.

Eloy Gameno

The most stubborn man on Earth, that’s Eloy. He relentlessly defends his point of view but his naiveté and ignorance end up annoying anyone who talks to him… to the point of feeling the imperative urge to strangle him.

MAN: “In order to work this out, I think you and I should be, you know, on the same team…”
ELOY: “Are you coming on to me?”
MAN: “No, no, I mean we should put our heads together.”
ELOY: “You see! I’m sorry but I don’t play for your team”

Catch phrase:
Oh, no! You tried to strangle me!

El Diablito (Little Devil)

The Little Devil, the son of the Prince of Darkness, he constantly awaits the opportunity to use his Father’s evil-doing devices to cause great distress to people on Earth. He loves deviled eggs, he’s likes to gamble –given that he has his father’s luck, and when he rides his bike he’s known to be hell on wheels.

Catch phrase:
¡Mmmhehehehe! (Evil giggle)

El Lonje Moco

He’s a senile monk that can barely tell a full story due to his poor memory. His only company is a gargoyle who tries to refresh his memory, but can never finish the monk’s sentences accurately.

Lonje: “My girlfriend and I we tried to go to a motel but our car was broken. We were so pissed because we could never get it… we could never get it…”

Gargoyle: “Started! You could never get it started!

Lonje: “No! We could never get it on because of that stupid car!”

Catch phrase:
It was awful! Awful!

Pepe Roni

Italian chef who makes his own recipes of international cuisine and, the truth be told, you couldn’t find anything yummier… than the ladies that co-host the segment with him. He’s the creator of the new trendy Politically Correct Diet which frowns upon anything containing ingredients like ‘white bread’, ‘fruit’, or ‘black beans’ cooked with ‘grease balls.’

Catch phrase:
Done! Done!

Hans Pujenheimer

A German character that came to Mexico to finish his Spanish studies. When he got here he had a hard time understanding our most revered national practices such as: covering the car’s dashboard with fur, throw a national celebration for our soccer team every time it looses or wear cowboy boots with a suit. His mostly known because of the fits of rage he throws when he tries to understand people’s idioms and expressions.

“What do you mean ‘it’s raining cats and dogs’? I’ve seen a few doves fall dead because of the pollution, but cats and dogs?!?! Where?”

Phrase:
Somebody explain to me!

Nicolás Tranquilino

A laid back, relaxed TV spiritual guru whose mission in life is to help people find inner peace. He’s described as easy-going… postal due to his slight anger management problem. He will go from tantric to tantrum in no time. Think Deepak Chopra becomes a professional tennis player. His teachings have inspired the likes of Myke Tyson, Russell Crowe and a very swell duck that responds to the name of Daffy.

Catch phrase:
Production staff!!

Oscar Ariel "El Indio" Fernandez

A very macho filmmaker and film critic, shares with the audience his knowledge of the art of cinema. He says ‘cinema’ is his middle name, but actually found out that his full name is Oscar Ariel Metro Goldwin López Pérez Century Fox. Talk about a full-length feature. So, in the spirit of simplicity –and so his driver’s license would have room for his picture- he changed to simply Oscar Ariel Indio Fernández.